Over the years I have pondered many a deep thought. Before I had children, I debated deep philosophical questions. Why am I here? What am I here for? What is my purpose? Blah, blah, blah....
I now question deeper things. Take children's shows for instance. A deep thinking philosophical person like myself has discovered an entire new realm of discussion topics. Let's look at some of the questions I have pondered since giving birth. World peace? Who gives a shit! I have more pressing matters to attend to.
Barney is evil. And what's up with the hiring of the goofiest kids in America to join in on his lovefest? I'd hate to have Barney on my resume. That would suck. Have you seen the peeps that appear on this show? It's a crappy acting fiesta, man. It's worthy of watching and having a good laugh. And even funnier if you are drunk like I am from sun up till sun down! Cheers!
And speaking of annoying television shows for kids....how anyone stomachs that brat Calliou is beyond me. Someone needs to smother him while he's sleeping. Whiney, bald, bratty and annoying. His parents must be so proud! Wait, his parents are morons too. First off, do his parents actually work? Ever? All they ever do on the show is putz around the house catering to their evil spawn. Every tantrum is a life lesson in this house. Who has that kind of time or patience? Secondly, what parent would put up with his absolute insane brattiness? I would sell him to gypsies, and use the money to go get me a strong, stiff flask of whiskey or better yet, go to Starbucks! Just look at him. Looking at him makes me want to tie his shoelaces together and watch him fall flat on his face. God, I hate him.
Over the years I have pondered many a deep thought. Before I had children, I debated deep philosophical questions. Why am I here? What am I here for? What is my purpose? Blah, blah, blah.
I now question deeper things.
For example, Max & Ruby. Ahhh, little Max. Not quite as annoying as Calliou...but very close. And Ruby....sweet, roly-poly Ruby. How Max has lived thus long and not popped a cap in her head is beyond me. Where are their parents? They have this huge house with no parents in sight. I occasionally see a Bunny Scout leader and some weird neighbor lady on the show. What gives?
And how come Franklin is the only animal that has the fortune of having a real name? Everyone else on the show goes by what animal they are: bear, rabbit, turtle, beaver. Franklin is the only animal with a real name. What's up with that?
Why does Little Bear's parents get to wear clothes, but Little Bear runs around naked all the time? And why do all the animals get to talk like humans EXCEPT for TuTu, the dog? Why are they hatin' on our canine friends? And how in the hell did Mitzi, a monkey, get all the way to the Canadian Rockies?
There are many other children's television shows that I often ponder, but I will save those for another time. Life's greatest mysteries are all on Noggin and Sprout.